hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
