it wasn't lemon gatorade
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
