dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
