My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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