Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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