I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
