she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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