she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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