where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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