I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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