She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
