My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
