oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
