how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
