I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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