I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
All I want is dick and wine.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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