Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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