my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
