I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You can't special order awesome
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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