do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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