His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
