thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
