I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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