Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
