they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
