She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
