he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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