You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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