Me too!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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