"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
