Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
