Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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