Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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