Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
