you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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