sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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