the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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