Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
