So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
