i barfeds in our rink
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
