I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize