its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
