so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
