Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
