thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
