i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
