It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
