Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
