At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
