apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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