I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
