Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
