dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is Oprah even human
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
