Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
