you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
