absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
