but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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