just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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