My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
