If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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