You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
