If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
