I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
