So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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