He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
