Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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