I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
