I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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