everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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