A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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