Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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