Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize