when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize