Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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