Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
