Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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