How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
