I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
