Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
