i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
