I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
